Okay, first, this thing took forever. This is one of the reasons I haven't uploaded anything big in months. Also, it's physically big. About three feet tall. So big, in fact, that I couldn't use my scanner and patch the pieces together in photoshop, so instead you get a crappy photograph from a bad camera that puts a lot of noise and color distortion in. I tried to fix it as best I could in photoshop, but it looks so much better in person. So much detail was lost in the photo.
So, this is about self-esteem and the damage it does, and how it's completely unrelated to what you have and have not done. Negative self esteem doesn't care what you've achieved, and it swallows your life up like a black pit of depression cracking into everything.
This is supposed to sort of be a better version of me, an idealized version.
People will tell me I'm good at things or that I'm pretty or successful or whatever lies they want to say, but I don't believe them. I guess it would sound arrogant to say that I assume what they say really is true, so I want to clarify that that's not what this is about. This is about the idealized me, who really IS good at things. Still, the self-hate swallows everything up.
I guess the point is that I don't know whether the nice things people say are lies or truth but either way I don't believe them.